Whilst he was gone I sat in my chair, wondering how I would
cope with a grieving husband if the worst were to happen. I had hoped the worst
wouldn’t happen, but couldn’t help but pray and ask God to prepare me for
whatever difficult situation might be on its way. I was in a brand new country,
with a brand new marriage – these adaptations were already enough to cope with!
I did not know how I would be able to manage a possible bereavement too!
A few hours later, what I feared the most had come upon me –
my husband’s uncle (whom he loved so dearly) had passed away. When we received
the news my husband cried like a child…All I could do was hold him. I felt bad
and was in shock at this seemingly untimely news. I knew I had to be there to
support my husband, but the events that followed, I was not prepared for.
The very next morning, another of my husband’s uncles was
travelling from Togo to Ghana, where his late uncle had lived with his family.
We decided to go with him. After an approximate 3-hour drive we arrived at the
house. I couldn’t help but be worried about what would come as I would see all
his children and his wife. I knew they would be devastated and there would be nothing anyone could do to comfort them. As I got out of the car I could
hear a woman screaming in the house. Her screams were like screams of agony. It
was almost unbearable. As I got inside there was sadness everywhere, as was to
be expected. The children were crying and others were sitting there silently
with sad faces. The screaming was coming from a room in the house and continued
for about 10 minutes.
Throughout the day many, many people came to the house to
offer their condolences. Some were silently sympathetic, but others screamed
and wailed, some even threw themselves on the floor. This heightened emotion
was all very new to me and I can only describe it as a culture shock. At one
point, the atmosphere became too much for me and I had to leave the house and
go for a brief walk. Whilst walking I burst out crying. Not so much because of
the death, but because of the intensity of the situation. The atmosphere was so
unfamiliar and very overwhelming and at that moment, there was no one there who
would have understood exactly where I was coming from. I was the only
foreigner. I was the only one who had never experienced such a thing in my
life. To everyone else this was normal. It may not have been welcome, but it
was normal. I decided to dry my tears and get my act together. This was not about me after all and my main purpose was to be a support to my husband and to the family if at all possible.
The next day, before going back to Togo, we had to go to the
mortuary to view the body. I knew this would not be an easy affair, but knowing
full well that after death the body becomes only a shell I was not afraid of
going to see it. I was mostly worried about how the family members would react
seeing their beloved uncle, father, brother lying there, lifeless.
Whilst on the way to the morgue, I did not know exactly what
to expect. All I knew was that we were not in Europe, we were in Africa, so the
conditions would certainly not be to European standards, but as long as
everyone could view the body and leave peacefully that was the main thing. When
we got there, we had to wait a while, until we were told that the body was
ready. As we entered the room, the first thing that hit me was the smell. It
was an indescribable stench. I suddenly could not bear to breathe in. There
were flies everywhere and also several dead bodies – and people working on the
dead bodies in front of us! I did not expect that...at all. I saw a glimpse of
my husband’s uncle, who was laid towards the back of the room. After that I had
to make a quick exit. Had I known that
the mortuary setting would be like that, I would never have gone…
Shortly afterwards, we headed back to Togo and the
family began to make plans for the funeral, which would happen a month later.
